Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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