i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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