He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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