I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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