he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize