My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
