If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
