What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
