just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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