Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
