I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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