Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
