I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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