Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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