all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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