I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
