He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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