The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
