Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize