So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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