I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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