Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
