Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
