then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
