You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
