i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
