Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
