And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
