If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
