i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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