i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
