I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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