i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
