Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
