We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
