"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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