So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
