Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
