you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
