I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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