I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
