i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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