i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ttyl tear gas
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
