I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
