2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
its not stalking. its research.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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