I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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