I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
