Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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