My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
