he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
