then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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