I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
