apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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