moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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