cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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