your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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