Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
