I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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