Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
do nipples grow back?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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