I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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