I accidentally had phone sex last night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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