Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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