he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
