I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
