I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Randomize